A Very Long Month.

So it has been almost a month since the last time I blogged. And it wasn't for lack of trying, but I've just been so busy, and so overwhelmed. Toward the end of Janurary I was on my monthly, and it is always a very painful and horrible experience. But on the 29th I fell down the stairs which led to me being sent to the hospital with fire like pain in my stomach and lower abdominal area. After copious hours sitting there they finally gave me morphine and sent me home. Then I went to my doctor and she did some tests and we never really got an answer but it had something to do with my Cervix. Now that the pain is prodominantly gone, but during this whole ordeal I was weighed and found out the I've gained roughly 50 lbs in the last year. So I am now at my heaviest at 174 lbs. I have never been this over weight. I placed my self on a mostly vegitarian diet, and am working out every day but I'm just so frustrated that it got this bad in the first place. When I told my doctor that I wanted to lose 50 lbs in 12 weeks she told me that it was unreasonable. That it would be better if I lost 50 lbs in 6 months. She says it is safer to lose no more than 2 or 3 lbs a week. So my whole revamp my body before summer time gets here, kinda shot out the window. I'm just so down right now... I will blog more later... I have to go get ready for my work out.

Ciao, Jude.

(PS: if any of you guys have any ideas things to eat or do that would make this process more fun/easier/or doable feel free to leave a comment.)

Love y'all!!

I've Been Inspired!

I got inspired this morning Randomly. (Or if you are like me, than you know that random is only a term used when God hits us over the head with something we were missing...)
I watched the rightnow.org video that I shared EVERYWHERE and got touched... htat deep in your heart, down in the crevices that you forget about for long moments at a time... the water seeped in and gave to the thirsty parts of my heart. And here I am, holding that spark in my metaphorical hands and I'm GOING TO FAN THE FLAME.
So I went and searched for my Bible... yeah, go ahead and berate me. I actually had to search for my version of the Words of God... and I found it tucked between Phelps Sports Illustrated and Persuasion by Jane Austen.
And when I opened it to the Book marked page, from 8th or 9th grade the highlighted part that I saw first stated this:
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you."
God has a way of just showing you. All I had to do was look. Search. Find. Those simple actions from me, resulted in getting an answer... and it's like I'm drinking The Water, and my Thirst is being quenched.
I am going to Copy and Paste a comment I made on a video on you-tube... because it will start the ball rolling on my thoughts:
~My heart breaks, because I don't have a meaning to my life right now. I was brought up with a desire to do more, be more, give more and yet I am unable to do so. I'm in a tightly dug hole, with very few options on how to get out and share my words and the WORD of God with others. You with your other videos and your ideas have started to revamp me, started that spark to make me look again, for a place a people that I can help. And I thank you for sharing this with me.~
The feelings in me are sometimes so diverse that I am unable to comprehend them or describe them, or share them. 
 I want to share, to show, to help but its as though I am stopped. There is this big invisible wall that is holding me just out of reach of my Goals my Dream my Desire to Give to Share to Help. Not that long ago I was consumed with a need to help African children, men, and women. I was driven by a force to help them, feed them, give them clean water, and heal there weak and tired souls. And would have been deeply touched with a smile from a sad and lost child being my only payment.

Where did that dream go? How far did it drift, or how far did I drift from it? Why was it that I didn't hold on to it? When was it that I became more than my hopes, my dreams, my ambitions? And why is it that looking back now my ambitions are so much more monetary than those of only a year or so ago when I woke up at sunrise and thanked God that I had AC, food, and hot water... to complaining that I haven't got a long enough hot shower, and being so finicky with the AC/Heating, and complaining that we haven't enough food, when I am able to eat every meal and not miss one. Why? Why.
I don't know what I am thinking, or going to do next, not yet, I am still in the beginning stages of the movement in me... but I know that I am going to try to not drift away again. I know that I am going  to try to make the flame into a fire and the fire into an explosion. And I'm going to try to do those things that not so long ago gave me purpose.
I'll keep you updated...
~Jude

What is a Trader? - RightNow.org

Interesting Musings... at least to me.

So the last couple of weeks I've been interested in Philosophy and Religion and how they affect one another. I personally believe in God, Christ and the Holy Spirit but I wouldn't say that I am Religious. And I also wouldn't say that that is a bad thing. I have a personal relationship with my Redeemer, and I don't think that I "have" to go to a church to make it better. But that is besides the point. My husband is an agnostic. (If you asked him, he would say that he is an atheist...) but if you talk to him and with him about his belief system, you'd realize it's just agnosticism. Lately I've been trying to figure out how it is that so many religions and beliefs can cohabitat on the same planet without some main one thrusting forward and taking dominion over them all. And against common belief Christianity isn't at the fore front anymore. Maybe in some parts of the world, but in others its just as easily Buddism, or Muslim, or even Wicca. So what makes this such a unilaterally diverse subject? I stopped at Border's several times this week and did some research on Philosophy and Religion and found some startling facts. For instance:

• In the year 575 BCE Confucious was born. (The creator and philosophical leader in Chineese history.
• In the year 563 BCE Siddhartha Gautama the creator of Buddhism was born.
• It's estimated that Jesus dying on the Cross didn't happen until roughly 33-30 BCE.
• And it wasn't proven until 725 years after Confucious was born that the earth was indeed round.
• And it took almost 2,000 years for Charles Darwin to come along and proclaim Evolution in 1859.

Now I realize that these may seem like useless peices of knowledge for most people but they blow my mind. I haven't exactly figured out why yet but they do. Just something to do with all of these facts in our history, my personal history and belief system, but with a date stamp on them makes them more stationary in the relative line of life... maybe, but I know that isn't the reason it's blowing my mind either. So, I guess that's food for thought.
While I was studying all of these things I was struck with the dynamic way that God works. When man started to question everything. He didn't do so in a Expansive state of mind... that's to say it wasn't as though one man in Greece contemplated everything in creation and questioned it all. But more it was a questioning of certain aspects in a certain field of wonder. But that the fields were different all across the world at the same time. For instance:

• In Greece, when the Ancients were wondering about math and science.
• The Chineese Philosophers (Confucious) was wondering at the political and sociological aspects
• And the Indian (India) Buddhists were trying to find meaning in spiritual enlightenment.

But I guess what gets me is that all of this was going on hundreds if not thousands of years PRIOR to my Christ coming to earth and dying for my sins. So what was God thinking, or doing, or seeing, during that time that led him to leave us be? And why is it that it took such an act of benevolence for HIS name to be in written history afterwards?

I guess that's just more food for thought as well. I wrote more notes, but I'm going to take a break my fingers hurt and my stomach is a littler queasy.

Ciao,
Jude

Severely Lacking

For all of those out there... (I say all with a sarcastic smirk) that read this blog and desire to finally see a video pertaining my views in a Vlog (video blog) then here you go... this weeks' blog.

Politicians and News casters severely lacking in the this-is-neither-the-time-nor-place-emotion:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kX6td9Yfkk


For now that is all:

~Jude

A Bee in my Bonnet...

Epiphany! :D

So I know it's been ages since I last wrote in this thing... but what do you expect? It was holiday season... and I was in full on holiday spirit, cooking meals, visiting friends, having parties, and generally being grateful. But alas... the holidays are over, and I was laying in the bath tonight, and picking my way through Jane Eyre, and I just really wanted to write... but I didn't know where to start... and then BAM! It hit me like a lead balloon, my Blog?!! Haha! So here I am... stumbling through yet another addition to my ever growing memoirs? 

(((I am listening to this guy while I am writing to you guys! Brendan James, amazing, truly amazing!)))


So let's go back to November where I left off:
I still haven't found a job, so that's a bust. But its the new year, and I am determined to find something... ANYTHING! Alright so Thanksgiving... Husbands sponsor on his boat invited us to their family dinner, really fun... football, MTG, great food, and awesome people! ( I mean really, you gotta love Cowboy Fans!) But after that was the preparing for the Christmas time fun! I really felt like being fun this year, we found a 6ft Christmas tree, for 20 bucks at a vintage shop, they weren't even really selling it, just moving it from one location to another, but I just fell in LOVE and it was white!! So awesome, so husband and I made some inquires, smiled a lot, and jumped up and down, and we walked away with a White Christmas tree! Ornament shopping was harder... so am I the only one that realized that everything that Walmart, Target, or well anywhere for that matter was glitter sprayed??? Haha! But it turned out great... I meant to take a picture, but you know how that goes... I didn't, I forgot! Hah! Nothing new! We had a great time, I want to send out a special thanks to the husband's friend's wife (HFW) that lives across the way, she is really awesome and shopping with her is like shopping with me! Slow, tedious, and fun so much fun!!! Haha! Speaking of HFW , she put on this truly great spread with her brother for Christmas lunch! Mexican food, and Kinect for Xbox... cant go wrong huh? I had a blast!
So Christmas night I tried my hand at a Christmas dinner traditional style... a chicken, a turkey and all the sides that fit accordingly... and go figure for my third roasted chicken I failed and for my first ever roasted Turkey I succeeded! I loved it, infact it lasted a week in left overs... and I am pretty sure that the company liked it too, though I'm not sure because everyone was so stuffed from that awesome Mexican Lunch! :D
So it's after the new year... after the Husbands and my first year anniversary, after our first Christmas, our first Thanksgiving, and our second New Year together, and I am starting to truly understand the richness that comes with being married, the great feeling knowing that somebody is there. Not sometimes, not a call away, or a hug when you hurt. But the ALL the TIME feeling, that comes with the highs and lows the in betweens and the emotional rollercoaster that is marraige, he is amazing and in the new year I want to celebrate my Husband for everything he is and does, he is not my other half, but more like that inspiring force that gives me strength... I love you Husband, and if you ever read this, I know you will know that this is only words, That I hope I show you the amount of love I have for you, everyday! One year down darling, another eternity to go. 
Now on a much stronger note I want to address something that has been a re-acurring theme the last few months, for those of my friends and family that know I am a strong President Obama supporter, and try to come at me or toward me with alligations or remarks regarding his term leading this country here is what I have to say, then that is it. If anyone feels the need to bring it up again to me again I will just send them here: okay! (I'm actually copy and pasting this from a comment I made earlier this evening) :

""Doesn't mean that the President is anything less, we all fall for the lies that people place in front of us on a daily basis, why should I hold my President to a standard that I know I cannot follow? So he chose wrong... so did Bush for most of the war, Clinton for his choice in bedmates, and the Sr. Bush for most of the Gulf War originally... we always vote for the person we see that best fits in the chair at the pentagon or the White House... but we forget a lot of the time that they are human... people just like you and me, but they have the decisions that out way anything I will ever have to face... am I giving President Obama any slack for what he's going through? Maybe a little, because honestly if anybody thought that he was going to fix Healthcare, the economy, world hunger and world peace, trade relations, the war and national security not to mention the national debt and housing crisis, in the first term or even his entire (maybe two terms) of his election... then they were blind and a little naive. No one can fix that, it isn;t an over night or even a year thing. It's something we are all going to have to work on, and so what if he tried to fix health care first? Maybe he thought that was the best course of action... he had his reasons... and maybe other people are starting to back slide on backing him up, but I'm not going too. He is trying his hardest... and I dont see him taking 13 week vacations to Crawford every 3 to 8 weeks.""


Alright, I think that's enough for now, being that this is my first blog back. You've all got enough to read... love you all, Happy New Year, and many blessings throughout your many traditions, and lives! 
-Jude

The Big "What if?"...

I'm sitting here at Borders and I'm reading about the Words of God, in the Word of God. Just studying some major and minor things in and throughout the Bible, and I keep seeing a magazine on the rack over by the counter with Jake Gyllenhal and Anne Hathaway, now I don't know if you've seen the new cover of the Entertainment, but wow, it's a doozy. They are both naked, or at least top-less and they just look so amazing. So at ease, and it makes me wonder. What if? What would it be like if I was that comfortable with my body. What if I was able to be at ease with everyone around me, so completely. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. So I get up and read the magazine article and it's actually really cute. Anyway, so I continue on with my reading and writing, and these two older women come along, and they are loud but not obtrusive. And they are talking about school, and how they are teachers, well I think one was a teacher and the other was a sub, but they were talking about the students that they teach and or taught, and how the sub was studying to get her masters, so that she could teach. And it just made me wonder. What is the moment? How do I know that I want to be anything in particular? All I've ever known for sure is that I want to own a bookstore. That is truly it. But I know that I need and should have a career prior to that, and honestly it isn't fees-able with the Husband in the military. So I need to have a career that is able to travel with me as I travel with him. And I've always thought about teaching, well okay, I've occasionally thought about teaching, with a passion. But just as often I think about teaching and know that I wouldn't be that great at it. It isn't pity talking or lack of confidence, it's just the fact that I know that I have what it takes to teach, what I lack is the ability to deal with children of all ages on a regular basis. Not to mean that I am not a people person, or even a kid on the inside a little. (or a Lot!) But when I think about teaching I think about High School, but I never had that "one in a million" great high school experience where I look back on it and go, "ahhh great time's"... I look back and thank God that I don't ever have to go through that again. And then I think of Middle School, but that just makes me want to throw up in my mouth, because I would probably punch a kid before the first week was up. But then I walk around the Borders Store, or the Barnes and Noble, and often I am just happy with the thought of teaching little ones. Elementary, but then it strikes me that I wouldn't know where to begin? Honestly I know that the college courses would help me, but that doesn't make me want to teach them anymore or any less. So here I am back at ground zero with my thought process. I know that I want to do something that involves talking to others, helping others out, giving back to the world, and provide knowledge. Those are the serious applications to a serious issue in my mind. But other then those articles of "it must of this" 's... I have no idea. And I don't want to be that student that me teacher reminisce about ten years from now, or even two years from now and have them say "That Jude, she had such potential." "What is she doing now?" "Waitressing, and raising three kids..." That terrifies me... So alas, I leave with this. What if?