I'm sitting here at Borders and I'm reading about the Words of God, in the Word of God. Just studying some major and minor things in and throughout the Bible, and I keep seeing a magazine on the rack over by the counter with Jake Gyllenhal and Anne Hathaway, now I don't know if you've seen the new cover of the Entertainment, but wow, it's a doozy. They are both naked, or at least top-less and they just look so amazing. So at ease, and it makes me wonder. What if? What would it be like if I was that comfortable with my body. What if I was able to be at ease with everyone around me, so completely. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. So I get up and read the magazine article and it's actually really cute. Anyway, so I continue on with my reading and writing, and these two older women come along, and they are loud but not obtrusive. And they are talking about school, and how they are teachers, well I think one was a teacher and the other was a sub, but they were talking about the students that they teach and or taught, and how the sub was studying to get her masters, so that she could teach. And it just made me wonder. What is the moment? How do I know that I want to be anything in particular? All I've ever known for sure is that I want to own a bookstore. That is truly it. But I know that I need and should have a career prior to that, and honestly it isn't fees-able with the Husband in the military. So I need to have a career that is able to travel with me as I travel with him. And I've always thought about teaching, well okay, I've occasionally thought about teaching, with a passion. But just as often I think about teaching and know that I wouldn't be that great at it. It isn't pity talking or lack of confidence, it's just the fact that I know that I have what it takes to teach, what I lack is the ability to deal with children of all ages on a regular basis. Not to mean that I am not a people person, or even a kid on the inside a little. (or a Lot!) But when I think about teaching I think about High School, but I never had that "one in a million" great high school experience where I look back on it and go, "ahhh great time's"... I look back and thank God that I don't ever have to go through that again. And then I think of Middle School, but that just makes me want to throw up in my mouth, because I would probably punch a kid before the first week was up. But then I walk around the Borders Store, or the Barnes and Noble, and often I am just happy with the thought of teaching little ones. Elementary, but then it strikes me that I wouldn't know where to begin? Honestly I know that the college courses would help me, but that doesn't make me want to teach them anymore or any less. So here I am back at ground zero with my thought process. I know that I want to do something that involves talking to others, helping others out, giving back to the world, and provide knowledge. Those are the serious applications to a serious issue in my mind. But other then those articles of "it must of this" 's... I have no idea. And I don't want to be that student that me teacher reminisce about ten years from now, or even two years from now and have them say "That Jude, she had such potential." "What is she doing now?" "Waitressing, and raising three kids..." That terrifies me... So alas, I leave with this. What if?
